"Only gangstas have hedgehogs for pets. BITCHES!"

Today was one hell of a day.

First, I want to thank JD for my new airport card and John (unclejohn) for helping me set it up. I was having a hell of a time (and my nerves were already shot after the day I'd had - more on that later), so I asked him to help me. He's such a genius. (^_^) I reset my router and that disconnected the PC and everything. JD was being the middle man between John and I trying to get me up and running when I realized, "WTF? Why doesn't John just call me!?" because I'm the moron who doesn't remeber his number. >.<

Anyway, so John called me and helped me figure it all out step by step. Turns out my iBook was being assigned the same IP address as the PC, so it wasn't working. Check out John's DJ for more info. on that if you feel so inclined. He explains it way better than I ever could.

Needlesstosay, John got me up and running! Woot! Three cheers for John! (^_^)

Wireless internet is 'effin' sweet. What would I do without JD and John? No idea. XD

In other computer related news, I downloaded Adium last night and LOVE it! Friggin' sweet.







Aaaanyway, today was my doctor's appointment and whoa, did that suck. I found out that my viral load is at 51,000. In October it was 20,000. In 2003 it was 5,000. Yeah, that really sucks. They said though, that my CD4 count is at 654, so they aren't worried yet. If my CD4 count starts droping then it's time to start panicing. Still sucks.

Then, they dropped the bomb on me.

They said that I'm probably not going to get approved for SSI and that I'll have to start going to Thomas Street Clinic. Yeah, that is just about the worst news. Thomas Street is where all the AIDS patients go. All the really sick ones. I don't need to see a constant reminder of where I'm going to be in a few years. I've already seen it in my parents. I don't need it anymore.

They said, "The best thing you can do is just move on with your life while you can." (0.o)

On the way home my aunt said, "I wouldn't want to be in your shoes Roxie. I can only imagine." Fuck that shit. And I'm so sick of hearing "I'm sorry..." The last thing I need is pity. That's bullshit.

I was so angry today. The angriest I think I've ever been in my life. Now that's passed and I'm just completely drained.

My aunt told me, "Maybe the best thing for you to do is just speed things up with Joe..." And when I was talking to Rubi about it earlier she's like, "Well, you can just get up to VA and get on his insurance."

That's when I started crying. I was doing a good job of holding back until then. It's like I told Rubi, I don't want this to be his responsibility. He shouldn't have to speed up his life to accomodate me. I don't want him to fuck up his life for me. I don't want him to think of what "could have been". It isn't his responsibility... I hate that.

Yeah, so today was a hard day. I'm still freaking out. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Without insurance I am fucked. Royally.

I'm almost 21 years old. I shouldn't have to deal with this shit. I'm so tired.

Oh, and tomorrow would be my mom's 51st birthday if she were alive. ♥